Use between for distinct, individual things in a one-to-one relationship — and that can include three or more (a treaty between the five nations). Use among when you mean a group, crowd, or mass considered together as a whole (popular among teenagers). The familiar "between for two, among for three or more" rule is a useful starting point, but it isn't the real test: what matters is whether you're pointing to separate individuals or to an undifferentiated group.
This is why a conversation between four friends is perfectly correct: each person relates to each of the others individually. Switch to among only when the surrounding items blur into a group you aren't counting off one by one.
The single question to ask is: are these items acting as separate individuals, or as one group? Separate individuals take between; one group takes among. Hold that question in mind and the rest follows.
Almost everyone is taught that between can join only two things. It's one of the most stubborn myths in English usage. In fact, between has been used of more than two items since Old English, and every major authority — Merriam-Webster, the Oxford English Dictionary, and Garner's Modern English Usage — agrees. The real test is the kind of relationship, not the head count.
Use between whenever the items are considered separately, one relating to another:
Every one names distinct parties in distinct relationships, so between is correct even with three or more.
Reach for among when the other items form a group and you aren't pairing them off — the sense is "in the middle of," "surrounded by," or "part of a crowd."
Among also carries a spatial sense of being surrounded: the cottage stood among the trees. Compare the cottage stood between two oaks — one tree on each side, a clear pair — with among the trees, lost in a whole wood.
Correct:
Incorrect:
Because between is a preposition, the pronouns after it must be in the objective case: me, us, him, her, them. "Between you and I" is a well-meaning overcorrection, but it's nonstandard. Test it by dropping the other person — you'd say "between me," never "between I" — so the answer is between you and me. Likewise it's among us, not among we.
You divide something between two parties and among a larger group: split the bill between the two of us, but share the leftovers among the guests. If you're distributing to several distinct, named recipients, between still works: the estate was divided between his three children, because each child receives an individual share.
For choices, between is standard even with several alternatives, because you weigh the options against one another: choose between the three plans. Among would suggest picking from an undifferentiated pile — occasionally right (pick a card from among these) — but between is the natural choice when the options are laid out side by side.
Phrases like a pause between each song are common and perfectly clear, but strict editors object that between needs two reference points. The tidy fixes are a pause between each song and the next or simply a pause after each song. In everyday writing, "between each" is widely accepted.
Use among with countable plural nouns (among the trees, among the guests) and amid (or amidst) with uncountable mass nouns (amid the chaos, amid growing tension). "Among the chaos" is a common slip — chaos can't be counted, so it takes amid.
Let the word histories do the work. Between comes from the Old English be twēonum — literally "by twain," or "by twos" — which is why it sits so naturally with pairs and one-to-one links, even when several pairs are in play. Among comes from Old English on gemang, "in a mingling" or "in a crowd." So picture it: between is by pairs; among is in a crowd. If you can point to the individual relationships, use between. If it's a mingling mass, use among.
Among and amongst mean exactly the same thing and are equally correct — the choice is purely stylistic. Amongst is more common in British and Commonwealth English and can sound slightly formal or literary; among is the plainer, standard choice and dominates American English. The same pattern holds for while/whilst and amid/amidst. Crucially, the rule for choosing among versus between is identical on both sides of the Atlantic. When in doubt, plain among is never wrong.
Either can be correct. Use between when the three (or more) items are distinct individuals in a one-to-one relationship — 'a deal between the five nations.' Use among when they form an undifferentiated group — 'popular among teenagers.' The count doesn't decide it; the type of relationship does.
'Between you and me' is correct. Between is a preposition, so the pronouns after it take the objective case: me, not I. A quick test is to remove the other person — you'd say 'between me,' never 'between I.' 'Between you and I' is a common overcorrection, but it's nonstandard.
No difference in meaning — they're interchangeable and both correct. Amongst is more common in British and Commonwealth English and can sound slightly formal or old-fashioned; among is the plainer, standard choice and prevails in American English. Pick whichever suits your tone; among is never wrong.
Yes. The idea that between is limited to two is a myth. It has described relationships among more than two items since Old English and is the right choice whenever those items are individually distinct — 'trade between the US, Canada, and Mexico.' Use among only when the group is a collective mass.
Both are correct in the right context. Use divided between for two parties or several distinct, named recipients — 'the estate was divided between his three children.' Use divided among when you're distributing to a group as a whole — 'the food was divided among the refugees.' Distinct shares take between; a collective pool takes among.
