Both describe treating someone as your inferior. Condescending emphasises the looking-down — explaining the obvious, talking slowly. Patronizing emphasises the false kindness that comes with it — helping in a way that makes the point. They overlap heavily; patronizing has the extra note of pretended warmth.
The core difference
Near-synonyms with a difference of flavour rather than meaning.
- condescending — talking down: a condescending tone.
- patronizing — falsely kind while talking down: don't patronize me.
The roots, which explain the flavours
Condescend is Latin con- plus descendere, to come down — literally to lower oneself. Originally it was a compliment, describing a superior graciously coming down to meet someone. Patronize is from patron: to act as a patron does, which carries the protective, benefactor tone that makes it grating.
The other patronize
It also means to be a customer of somewhere — patronize a local shop — which is the older and entirely neutral sense. Context always separates them, but the coexistence surprises people.
