Selfish means acting for your own benefit at the expense of others. Selfless means acting for others without regard to your own benefit. The two suffixes carry the whole meaning: -ish here marks a leaning towards self, -less marks its absence. Neither word is neutral — one is a criticism, the other praise.
The core difference
- selfish — concerned with your own advantage, typically to someone else's cost.
- selfless — acting without regard to your own advantage.
What the suffixes are doing
-less means "without", as in hopeless or fearless. So selfless is literally "without self". -ish usually means "somewhat" (greenish) or "having the character of" (childish), and it is the second sense at work here.
Not simply a spectrum
They are commonly treated as two ends of one line, but the middle is not nameless: acting in your own interest without harming anyone is neither selfish nor selfless. Self-interested covers that, and it is the neutral word both of these lack.
A word worth not confusing
Self-conscious means aware of oneself, usually uncomfortably. It concerns attention rather than benefit, and belongs to neither of the words above.
Frequently asked questions
What is the opposite of selfish?
Selfless is the direct opposite. Altruistic, generous and unselfish are close alternatives with slightly different emphases.
Is there a neutral word between them?
Self-interested. It describes acting in your own interest without the criticism carried by selfish.
Does selfless mean having no self-respect?
No. It means acting without regard to your own advantage in a particular case, not lacking a sense of self.